When it became a blatant embarrassment to the other festival tour members I discussed with the couple and they happily agreed to be married by me at the end of the tour. I wanted them "to do the right thing" but I did not sufficiently research their marital status or think seriously about the implications or fallout after marrying them. The lady devotee said she was unhappily married and wanting a divorce and the male devotee was just completing his divorce. So carelessly I just took a risk and thereby created havoc by misapplying the marriage samskaras.

When the husband of the devotee learned of the remarriage of his wife he naturally became very upset. He felt obliged to agree to divorce his wife. He rightfully complained to our ISKCON authorities in UK that an ISKCON sannyasi had done such a thing. Kripamoya and Praghosa Prabhus in the UK brought me to task and I began to realise the negligence and foolishness of my actions. Then after further realisation and regret and on their advice, I sent a marriage annulment letter to the parties concerned. I stated in that letter that as the couple were not unmarried the marriage I had conducted was not authorised morally or legally and therefore it was being annulled by me.

"The path of spiritual realization is very difficult; it is sharp like a razor's edge". SSR 2b: Now I can see how a lapse in my consciousness can create havoc not only in my own spiritual life but more importantly in the lives of other innocent devotees also.

So I am feeling very ashamed and regretful that I caused this to happen. I was not fit as the spiritual mentor of the Festival team. It is now obvious that my hippiesh upbringing's attitudes are still not cleansed from my heart. So I need to rectify my standard of devotional service at all costs. Even though some might say there were extenuating circumstances whilst out in the preaching frontlines I feel I have definitely let Prabhupada and ISKCON down very much.

However, I can see that by this failure of mine Krishna is mercifully giving me an opportunity to soul search and make serious efforts to get rectified in the association of devotees and come up again to the proper standard of being an ISKCON Guru and Sannyasi. I am trying to adjust my schedule so that I do not again get overstrained into a negligent consciousness again. I am also intending to attend the ISKCON Guru Seminar and Retreat in Ujjain at the begging of October.

In this ongoing drama of divorce and child custody I am still partially a protagonist as all the devotees concerned are still turning to me for advice and information. I am doing my best to do so in the light of going through various stages of realisation, regret and rectification in my Krishna consciousness. I have not been asked by my senior ISKCON authorities to give up my responsibilities as an ISKCON Guru and I am grateful for their continued faith in me. I am therefore continuing my preaching endeavours for Srila Prabhupada in a regretful, more sober but joyful mood whilst continuing to try to spread the Holy name around in the way I have always been accustomed. But now I have to cling onto this verse. "Even if one commits the most abominable action, if he is engaged in devotional service he is to be considered saintly because he is properly situated in his determination." Bg 9.30

Although I know that "words are cheap" I humbly beg you all to give me another chance and try and forgive me for this serious lapse in my judgement. I also humbly ask your blessings that I can improve in the standard of my Krishna consciousness and one day become a really effective representative of Srila Prabhupada. Lastly I request you please (if applicable) try and find a warning in my stupid mistake and gain something valuable for your own wholesome progress in Krishna Consciousness.

Thank you

Hoping that this finds you all well in Krishna consciousness,

Mahavishnu Swami